Heartbroken

Imagine a scenario you are in a dark room with no ray of light both literally an figuratively, doors are locked, there's no one around to help you come out see the sun, everyone is outside with loud music, pomp and show, you are screaming and shouting but in vain because people can not listen to you because of music. You have tried everything you could but there is nothing you can do to help yourself to come out. This is exactly what you feel when you are heartbroken and know nothing you do will be of any use to make anything work out. The other person just can not feel the way you feel for them. It kills you inside that nothing is in your control. There is this major difference when you are heartbroken in love and when you are heartbroken in any other situation say at work. In the latter case, you know the areas of development, you know the path to chalk out to improve upon yourselves but in the former case, you can not do ANYTHING to make the situation better and it kills you to not being able to do anything.

Being a person who has a vent in the guise of crying out , I have seen myself crying at odd times of the day at the slight wandering of my mind like when I am in the cab returning home, sitting all alone at the client place in a cabin with no one around, entering into my room after work,knowing there won't be anyone to listen to me. I fear to wet my eyes in such situations, consequent to which I have started fearing an idle mind even for 5 minutes, I fear loneliness in the room, I fear talking to him. For him, explaining his side of story is enough ,justifying his situation is enough because obviously he is not at fault. You just can not force someone to like you. Thus according to him, talking normally after having knowledge of such facts is pretty much fine. But for me, talking to him everytime reminds me, he is not meant for me, he has other person at his priority. This fear has made stop talking to him. I have blocked all means of contacting me because I knew if he contacts me, I can't refuse and will end up talking like nothing happened.But this is only short term happiness, the bigger picture is he is NOT GOING TO COME BACK, NOT EVER GOING TO LOVE ME. 

Cry Cry Cry!

Crying is not that bad. I had this balloons full of water in my eyes which burst out at every kind of emotion vent, be it anger, happiness, sadness. But is crying bad for you every time? I say no. People say you should be strong enough to control your emotions. Crying is always considered synonymous to being weak. I say, one should be strong enough to vent out emotions in front of people you know would not judge or at best only when you are alone.

Whenever I feel low and want to get out of that state, I try ways to keep my mind off the thought that is making me feel low. But then sometimes I am not able to push the thought out of my mind and ultimately I start crying. Lately I have realized that after crying, I felt better, much better. After crying, there is nothing left that could go wrong or you could do about to make the situation good. You have already sulked about the thought, did everything you could to make it right, and moreover cried for things not getting right too. You are better off now. So cry if you want to. It’s for your good only.  

Eat Sleep Laze Repeat

I would be completing the notice period by end of this month and I am thoroughly enjoying this phase. Especially when my back up resource is in place, I am more relaxed at work. Prior to joining of the back up resource, I had certain sense of responsibility on the shoulders for the team and the work (still I used to do work with ease and calm as opposed to the panic and tension of deadlines) but now when the back up is in place, I had given up all of my responsibilities and do whatever I want to do.
My day starts at 11ish in the morning, I reach at 12:30 PM (log in time is 11:30 AM).Check my mailbox, gossip with the people around (majorly with the back up whom I knew from the coaching classes). All this is done up till 3:00 PM which is lunch time.We spend a good one hour for lunch and walk following after that. Then back to the desk, repeating the same routine. I have started laughing on the floor so loudly that it can even make people look at me leaving aside their work.
After coming back from office and dinner, I am again lazing around, watching some movie/web/TV series till I hit on bed around 3:00 AM.
And icing to the cake- when your laptop and all the accesses are not working and all you can do is just wait for the approval from the HR guys to re-activate the accesses. This is such a wow feeling.
Oh boy, I am so so loving this. The phase where you are excited for joining the new organisation, for the upcoming planned trip with the family, where you have more than a week's time to yourself after leaving the current organisation and before joining the new one,where you don't give a f*** for meeting the deadlines, where you have all the me time after the office doing whatever I want to do not caring about the ratings or the promotions.

P.S- I am afraid for myself that the above routine is becoming a habit for me. It's been more than a month that I am following this. This would make it difficult for me to work for extended hours and go beyond an extra mile to prove myself in the new organisation.
Amen !

Things I want my kids to learn

I volunteered a marathon event few days back for women named Pinkathon. Delhi women had made the event a success by participating in a huge number. The participants were ranging from school going to college girls to working women to married women to new mothers while their kids clinging on to them, while running.

When the event was getting wrapped up, everyone was reaching the finish line, I saw a father who had brought his daughter to the marathon and the girl was tired like anything, not wanting to complete the marathon. But his father kept her spirit and zeal on. He kept saying "Just 10 meters away is the finish line" "there I can see the finish line". This could be a very normal episode. But this triggered me that I 'd want my children to learn the spirit of never giving up against all odds be it physical or emotional. This infused the idea to start a post with the same intent and keep updating it over the time. 

Here the list goes-

1. Attend such fitness events as mentioned above or practice any sport or dance. But I want them to be fitness conscious. I'd endeavor to accompany them everywhere in order to cultivate this habit in them.

2. I'll never tease them with remarks for the opposite sex. They would be brought up with the idea that opposite sex could be as good as a friend as the same sex. I'd never let them watch Salman Khan starrer Maine Pyar Kia proposing the idea "ek ladka or ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte". No restrictions for the opposite sex to visit home even when they are 5 or 15. I had faced the same situation in my home but I'd want myself to be progressive on this front.

3. I'd want them to be proficient in a language other than English/Hindi/Punjabi. In this competitive world, they'd need some edge. This should begin in the starting age of bringing them up.

4. I would never introduce them to the concept of "bad omens". One should not drink water before going out for some work, else there would be some obstacle, Continuous flickering of right eye for girls and left eye for guys is a bad omen. Not taking a head bath on Tuesdays or Thursdays. Not eating eggs or meat on Tuesdays or Thursdays.Not going to a temple when you are menstruating. And I can go on and on. My mother used to be and is still conscious and starts worrying when I try to do any of this things. This has made the above things settle in my sub conscious mind and sometimes not even knowing, I tend to consider such ideas as and when something happens. 

5. This reminds me of another thing I'd like them to learn. They should understand the concept of menstruation and sex at a reasonable age. They should not buy the idea that children happen automatically after marriage or some angel comes in the night and gifts the family a child. They should not get excited when in Class 10 (if they study the same curriculum by CBSE), the chapter named reproduction is being taught. It should be normal like chapter on Structural Organisation of Plants. They should not shy away nor the parents when an Sunny Leone advertises Kamsutra condom with new coffee flavor.  

6. They would be taught to respect elders/ grandparents even if they don't like them. No matter what , they are the ones who had brought them up along with the parents. I am not sure how much true it would hold for me but at least I will keep humanity before my personal conflicts. 

When I became the Vampire

This girl who reports to me, is getting the job in the same company in which I'm going to join. This was not the reason enough to wake the vampire in me. She would be joining at the same designation as I'd be at. This is so not fair. I mean I know, the organisation's policy is at fault which is not differentiating between a less experienced and more experienced, just because the profile in question is unrelated the experience we both hold.

The feeling that the girl who used to call me "Ma'am" would be calling me by my name . This by no means implies that I am authoritative and would want people to be under me. But had , this girl been appointed may be 6 months later or, things would have been way different. I just want to enjoy the exclusivity for the time being. Back of the mind, I know this is not good to think bad for other, to get jealous etc etc. I am mature enough to know all this but the maturity just takes the backseat whenever I see her in the office and whenever the other guy helping her to get through the interview, asking me to help her know the questions being asked. I don't feel like telling her anything( as if this would lessen the chances of she getting selected, such kiddish things I tell you). I would think all bad while being asked about everything by her but after that, I always realize, what I did, what I thought, is total bullshit! But please God understand, I can't help myself at that point of time. Now I know, from where the corporate politics arise.!!!

I have made peace with the fact above. One, because there is no other option left for me; two, I had spoken my heart out to my friends and they too tried to make me understand the fact, there is no point sulking over this thing.

Nonetheless, I want to be happy for the fact, that I got this much awaited move to this organisation.

Meanwhile, this phrase has helped me a lot as well.

"Teri kismat da likhya tere to koi kho nai sakda. Je us di meher hove te tenu o v mil jae jo tera ho nai sakda". Guru Granth Sahib Ji

To all the positive forces in the universe, I need you ...

P.S- Excited for the weekend Mumbai trip.

P.P.S- I was asked by a photographer friend of mine to start a fashion blog and that I was way better than the many newbie wannabe bloggers.*Khushi* 

Once there was a Musk Melon

Here is how it started. I got to know about this Online Grocery website. This was like a beggar had found a hidden treasure. So I being the laziest bum on earth, ordered some fruits and other essentials from the site. One o the item ordered was a musk melon. This was a one kg musk melon. Being a grocery/household chores retard, I didn't know that one Kg would be so so big for a person's consumption.
So I started on Monday night and my one kg of grocery shopping lasted till Wednesday night and that too when I had this one kg of forced health day and night so as not to waste it.Even i asked my roomie and the cook to have it but then it seemed, God wanted me to be healthy :D
I would suggest this site Bigzop.com to please add more options for people like me, so that they can save themselves from this wrath.
P.S- I had to ask for a Hajmola after my favorite day of the week when rajma rice is cooked. But because I had to accommodate some place in stomach for the dessert above.
Other than that, this site offers good options to, considering its in the initial phases. The  order arrived in good packing condition. I would like to order more often.

Band Baja Bride

So, it seems everyone around me is getting married. Marriages are in vogue I suppose which is why everyone is following the same trend. It seems people don't have any other thing left to do wwith their lives
I feel facebook has become some sort of wedding photography website. Whenever I log into facebook, what I see is pre wedding photo shoot, wedding photo albums, post wedding photo shoots, honeymoon photos with the super se bhi upar display of affection, the roka function photos, the mehndi ceremony photos..God! I am tired of seeing all this. It just makes me feel I am a grown up too, hard to say, but yes I have approached the marriageable age.
My two cousins getting married in coming two months, the two cousins with whom I studied in the same class in school.I am so excited for their marriages, how the fun, togetherness will come along but at the same time I am petrified too. I don't even want to imagine the situation when all my relatives would be pointing on to me and asking my parents about my band baja baraat(or in my case vidayi). I can make my parents understand that i still need 2-3 years for my career, only then I would be able to at least live my life I have fantasized. If I won't get these 2-3 years, I would only crib and regret later in my life.
But if my relatives keep on asking my parents and these people around me keep getting married at this pace, my parents would be taken away by the flow and people's words and I would be doomed to regret and sadness. And the sad part is I can not even stop people around me getting married :/. I want to travel the world with my friends, try every possible thing be it right or wrong, create some stories for my children before finally settling down.
Please bhagwan ji, help me realize my dreams and fantasies, make my ways such a way that I can be on the right path.