Heartbroken

Imagine a scenario you are in a dark room with no ray of light both literally an figuratively, doors are locked, there's no one around to help you come out see the sun, everyone is outside with loud music, pomp and show, you are screaming and shouting but in vain because people can not listen to you because of music. You have tried everything you could but there is nothing you can do to help yourself to come out. This is exactly what you feel when you are heartbroken and know nothing you do will be of any use to make anything work out. The other person just can not feel the way you feel for them. It kills you inside that nothing is in your control. There is this major difference when you are heartbroken in love and when you are heartbroken in any other situation say at work. In the latter case, you know the areas of development, you know the path to chalk out to improve upon yourselves but in the former case, you can not do ANYTHING to make the situation better and it kills you to not being able to do anything.

Being a person who has a vent in the guise of crying out , I have seen myself crying at odd times of the day at the slight wandering of my mind like when I am in the cab returning home, sitting all alone at the client place in a cabin with no one around, entering into my room after work,knowing there won't be anyone to listen to me. I fear to wet my eyes in such situations, consequent to which I have started fearing an idle mind even for 5 minutes, I fear loneliness in the room, I fear talking to him. For him, explaining his side of story is enough ,justifying his situation is enough because obviously he is not at fault. You just can not force someone to like you. Thus according to him, talking normally after having knowledge of such facts is pretty much fine. But for me, talking to him everytime reminds me, he is not meant for me, he has other person at his priority. This fear has made stop talking to him. I have blocked all means of contacting me because I knew if he contacts me, I can't refuse and will end up talking like nothing happened.But this is only short term happiness, the bigger picture is he is NOT GOING TO COME BACK, NOT EVER GOING TO LOVE ME. 

Cry Cry Cry!

Crying is not that bad. I had this balloons full of water in my eyes which burst out at every kind of emotion vent, be it anger, happiness, sadness. But is crying bad for you every time? I say no. People say you should be strong enough to control your emotions. Crying is always considered synonymous to being weak. I say, one should be strong enough to vent out emotions in front of people you know would not judge or at best only when you are alone.

Whenever I feel low and want to get out of that state, I try ways to keep my mind off the thought that is making me feel low. But then sometimes I am not able to push the thought out of my mind and ultimately I start crying. Lately I have realized that after crying, I felt better, much better. After crying, there is nothing left that could go wrong or you could do about to make the situation good. You have already sulked about the thought, did everything you could to make it right, and moreover cried for things not getting right too. You are better off now. So cry if you want to. It’s for your good only.  

Eat Sleep Laze Repeat

I would be completing the notice period by end of this month and I am thoroughly enjoying this phase. Especially when my back up resource is in place, I am more relaxed at work. Prior to joining of the back up resource, I had certain sense of responsibility on the shoulders for the team and the work (still I used to do work with ease and calm as opposed to the panic and tension of deadlines) but now when the back up is in place, I had given up all of my responsibilities and do whatever I want to do.
My day starts at 11ish in the morning, I reach at 12:30 PM (log in time is 11:30 AM).Check my mailbox, gossip with the people around (majorly with the back up whom I knew from the coaching classes). All this is done up till 3:00 PM which is lunch time.We spend a good one hour for lunch and walk following after that. Then back to the desk, repeating the same routine. I have started laughing on the floor so loudly that it can even make people look at me leaving aside their work.
After coming back from office and dinner, I am again lazing around, watching some movie/web/TV series till I hit on bed around 3:00 AM.
And icing to the cake- when your laptop and all the accesses are not working and all you can do is just wait for the approval from the HR guys to re-activate the accesses. This is such a wow feeling.
Oh boy, I am so so loving this. The phase where you are excited for joining the new organisation, for the upcoming planned trip with the family, where you have more than a week's time to yourself after leaving the current organisation and before joining the new one,where you don't give a f*** for meeting the deadlines, where you have all the me time after the office doing whatever I want to do not caring about the ratings or the promotions.

P.S- I am afraid for myself that the above routine is becoming a habit for me. It's been more than a month that I am following this. This would make it difficult for me to work for extended hours and go beyond an extra mile to prove myself in the new organisation.
Amen !

Things I want my kids to learn

I volunteered a marathon event few days back for women named Pinkathon. Delhi women had made the event a success by participating in a huge number. The participants were ranging from school going to college girls to working women to married women to new mothers while their kids clinging on to them, while running.

When the event was getting wrapped up, everyone was reaching the finish line, I saw a father who had brought his daughter to the marathon and the girl was tired like anything, not wanting to complete the marathon. But his father kept her spirit and zeal on. He kept saying "Just 10 meters away is the finish line" "there I can see the finish line". This could be a very normal episode. But this triggered me that I 'd want my children to learn the spirit of never giving up against all odds be it physical or emotional. This infused the idea to start a post with the same intent and keep updating it over the time. 

Here the list goes-

1. Attend such fitness events as mentioned above or practice any sport or dance. But I want them to be fitness conscious. I'd endeavor to accompany them everywhere in order to cultivate this habit in them.

2. I'll never tease them with remarks for the opposite sex. They would be brought up with the idea that opposite sex could be as good as a friend as the same sex. I'd never let them watch Salman Khan starrer Maine Pyar Kia proposing the idea "ek ladka or ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte". No restrictions for the opposite sex to visit home even when they are 5 or 15. I had faced the same situation in my home but I'd want myself to be progressive on this front.

3. I'd want them to be proficient in a language other than English/Hindi/Punjabi. In this competitive world, they'd need some edge. This should begin in the starting age of bringing them up.

4. I would never introduce them to the concept of "bad omens". One should not drink water before going out for some work, else there would be some obstacle, Continuous flickering of right eye for girls and left eye for guys is a bad omen. Not taking a head bath on Tuesdays or Thursdays. Not eating eggs or meat on Tuesdays or Thursdays.Not going to a temple when you are menstruating. And I can go on and on. My mother used to be and is still conscious and starts worrying when I try to do any of this things. This has made the above things settle in my sub conscious mind and sometimes not even knowing, I tend to consider such ideas as and when something happens. 

5. This reminds me of another thing I'd like them to learn. They should understand the concept of menstruation and sex at a reasonable age. They should not buy the idea that children happen automatically after marriage or some angel comes in the night and gifts the family a child. They should not get excited when in Class 10 (if they study the same curriculum by CBSE), the chapter named reproduction is being taught. It should be normal like chapter on Structural Organisation of Plants. They should not shy away nor the parents when an Sunny Leone advertises Kamsutra condom with new coffee flavor.  

6. They would be taught to respect elders/ grandparents even if they don't like them. No matter what , they are the ones who had brought them up along with the parents. I am not sure how much true it would hold for me but at least I will keep humanity before my personal conflicts. 

When I became the Vampire

This girl who reports to me, is getting the job in the same company in which I'm going to join. This was not the reason enough to wake the vampire in me. She would be joining at the same designation as I'd be at. This is so not fair. I mean I know, the organisation's policy is at fault which is not differentiating between a less experienced and more experienced, just because the profile in question is unrelated the experience we both hold.

The feeling that the girl who used to call me "Ma'am" would be calling me by my name . This by no means implies that I am authoritative and would want people to be under me. But had , this girl been appointed may be 6 months later or, things would have been way different. I just want to enjoy the exclusivity for the time being. Back of the mind, I know this is not good to think bad for other, to get jealous etc etc. I am mature enough to know all this but the maturity just takes the backseat whenever I see her in the office and whenever the other guy helping her to get through the interview, asking me to help her know the questions being asked. I don't feel like telling her anything( as if this would lessen the chances of she getting selected, such kiddish things I tell you). I would think all bad while being asked about everything by her but after that, I always realize, what I did, what I thought, is total bullshit! But please God understand, I can't help myself at that point of time. Now I know, from where the corporate politics arise.!!!

I have made peace with the fact above. One, because there is no other option left for me; two, I had spoken my heart out to my friends and they too tried to make me understand the fact, there is no point sulking over this thing.

Nonetheless, I want to be happy for the fact, that I got this much awaited move to this organisation.

Meanwhile, this phrase has helped me a lot as well.

"Teri kismat da likhya tere to koi kho nai sakda. Je us di meher hove te tenu o v mil jae jo tera ho nai sakda". Guru Granth Sahib Ji

To all the positive forces in the universe, I need you ...

P.S- Excited for the weekend Mumbai trip.

P.P.S- I was asked by a photographer friend of mine to start a fashion blog and that I was way better than the many newbie wannabe bloggers.*Khushi* 

Once there was a Musk Melon

Here is how it started. I got to know about this Online Grocery website. This was like a beggar had found a hidden treasure. So I being the laziest bum on earth, ordered some fruits and other essentials from the site. One o the item ordered was a musk melon. This was a one kg musk melon. Being a grocery/household chores retard, I didn't know that one Kg would be so so big for a person's consumption.
So I started on Monday night and my one kg of grocery shopping lasted till Wednesday night and that too when I had this one kg of forced health day and night so as not to waste it.Even i asked my roomie and the cook to have it but then it seemed, God wanted me to be healthy :D
I would suggest this site Bigzop.com to please add more options for people like me, so that they can save themselves from this wrath.
P.S- I had to ask for a Hajmola after my favorite day of the week when rajma rice is cooked. But because I had to accommodate some place in stomach for the dessert above.
Other than that, this site offers good options to, considering its in the initial phases. The  order arrived in good packing condition. I would like to order more often.

Band Baja Bride

So, it seems everyone around me is getting married. Marriages are in vogue I suppose which is why everyone is following the same trend. It seems people don't have any other thing left to do wwith their lives
I feel facebook has become some sort of wedding photography website. Whenever I log into facebook, what I see is pre wedding photo shoot, wedding photo albums, post wedding photo shoots, honeymoon photos with the super se bhi upar display of affection, the roka function photos, the mehndi ceremony photos..God! I am tired of seeing all this. It just makes me feel I am a grown up too, hard to say, but yes I have approached the marriageable age.
My two cousins getting married in coming two months, the two cousins with whom I studied in the same class in school.I am so excited for their marriages, how the fun, togetherness will come along but at the same time I am petrified too. I don't even want to imagine the situation when all my relatives would be pointing on to me and asking my parents about my band baja baraat(or in my case vidayi). I can make my parents understand that i still need 2-3 years for my career, only then I would be able to at least live my life I have fantasized. If I won't get these 2-3 years, I would only crib and regret later in my life.
But if my relatives keep on asking my parents and these people around me keep getting married at this pace, my parents would be taken away by the flow and people's words and I would be doomed to regret and sadness. And the sad part is I can not even stop people around me getting married :/. I want to travel the world with my friends, try every possible thing be it right or wrong, create some stories for my children before finally settling down.
Please bhagwan ji, help me realize my dreams and fantasies, make my ways such a way that I can be on the right path.

Self Realization

Today morning, while brushing my teeth I saw myself in the mirror. I saw my teeth and I realized they are displaced, not in perfect shape. But hey! I still manage to get people compliment me for my smile. EEEEEEEEE!!!!

Thank God! This could have been a thing to crib for life but I am all good. :P

Bonne Bouche

So I am starting on with a new series of posts on my blog.
I and my friend have this list of restaurants to go and explore every 15 days.
I am so lucky to have a companion who is equally interested as I, to go, explore and splurge on new places. We no longer see distance a constraint but not having the luxury to go to 5-star restaurants on a car is definitely a constraint.Like seriously we have put a great number of restaurants to a back-burner just because we would have to go on a public transport. Don't even think of hiring a cab. We are stingy people too.

So, we sorted this restaurant from the list of "Most happening places to visit in Delhi". I Zomato-ed it to find the ratings and the ambiance and et al. Its a French restaurant and there were pretty much good reviews on food,the sitting area, the decor.
First of all, the nearest metro station is Lajpat Nagar and not Jangpura as mentioned on Zomato. So we had to sit in the auto and turn on the GPS because the auto wala did not also know the way to the restaurant from Jangpura metro station.
We entered the restaurant and it was all vacant despite being a Sunday afternoon and despite a strong recommendation of table reservation. The interiors were all inspired from European decors. It was soothing for the eyes and one would definitely like to sit have a chit chat with friends.
We asked for a terrace sitting on the 4th floor. It was more of a garden area with light furniture and wooden fencing all around.

P.S- If you zoom it and see, there's this hanging on the fence written- "First we eat, then we do everything else"
There was already a couple sitting over there. We took our table. My eyes were constantly on the couple who were sitting together on one side of the table. Note one side of the table and we even took time to choose our different sides of the table. As soon as the couple left, another couple came over.
The menu was opened with this-

We ordered one Angel Hair pasta (for safer side) and a spinach & ricotta gnochhi with zucchini and cherry tomatoes in cream sauce (only because the name was complicated and it was on the restaurant's recommendation list). And I take a bow to the fact that I forgot to take a photo of the food because I was really hungry. Oh boy! it was heaven, so tempting complimented with Green Appeltini (okayish) and Alex Atlantic (Good).

 We also ordered Tiramisu (also on the recommendation list of the restaurant) which was kind of my type, the perfect make of sweetness, cream and the coffee.

We were having our meal and the waiter kept on watching us as if he too was hungry. Also, the staff's uniform was of the color as my friend was wearing like ditto the same color hahah!
Oh and about the other couple who came over, they too chose to sat on the same side of the table. I can't help but notice this thing. And they were taking selfies like after every 10 minutes. It was cringing me somehow, partly because they were sitting just in front of me and partly because I envy these love birds.

So here goes one of our finds to another restaurant in Delhi. Amen to more such. :)

Is Blog ka Gyaan

Gyan Dose to self- No.1

So aaj ka gyan!

The more you dislike someone/something, the more is the probability that that someone/something would find affinity towards you.

And the vice versa the more I like someone/something, the greater the chances that that someone/something is going to repel me.

Moral- F*** those who said “when you want something , the whole universe conspires in helping you to achieve it” yeah!! Paulo Cohelo..:/

2014- Looking Back

So as even Facebook is making efforts to develop an app to see our year 2014 in retrospect. So I decided to put in my manual efforts and write a post weighing what worked good for me and what did not. One has to jot down and acknowledge the things for which one was happy. At least then I would be able to say, yes 2014 brought with it, this pocket full of happiness for me.

Happiness- What would make me remember 2014.

Haters, i am giving you all a reason to live. Thank me!

1. Convocation for CA- I was officially given the right to put a prefix before my name. Yes it indeed was THE moment of ecstasy for me. Though after the event, I was back to normal cribbing and cringing over my life.

2. Got rid of night shifts- Yes I was working in night shifts and I was literally cursing myself for having doing that shit. I got rid of those shifts and landed in a decent time slot.

3. Met some wonderful people - Though the night shift was a thing to be cursed for, but it was the place, where I met some friends for life, the friends who actually advised me for my good, who cared genuinely, with whom I laughed my heart out.

4. Exploring new restaurants- This was in my bucket list since long. One of my friend and me just wanted to pamper, splurge and hog in style every 15 days or so. And yes we started, and following it religiously till date. Putting check ins for every place we visited to memorize the same.

5. Road Trip to Jaipur- yes!! may be it was only Jaipur, just 300 kms away, may be my life is just uneventful,but we actually mustered the courage to start the journey at 11 in the night, no plan how to travel, standing on the bus stand waiting for Volvo, not getting one and rummaging our phone contacts to get a car to go. hahah! yes we did it. Amen to more such trips.

6.Chucking some unwanted people out- I was courageous enough to let go some people, on whose priority list I never existed in the first place. I was bold enough to confront them with the truth and chuck them out of my life.

7. Learnt to be more sarcastic- I had taken a step forward towards becoming more sarcastic. * a wide grin* Amen! this is a never ending process. 2015-let me keep working on it.

8. Blogging/Writing- I had been not very regular towards writing. But I made it a point to write and document at least the important episodes of my life.

9. All time companion - I got this all time companion for the loner me- the laptop, my personal laptop. I had one already but office laptop. That personal touch never exuded. I can do whatever I want, open which ever site I like (stop running your brains).

10. Clarity of goals- I suppose I am way more clearer for my goals in 2014 than I was in 2013. This is how I define taking baby steps towards wisdom.

11. Pampering Myself- I read it somewhere "being pampered by your man is a beautiful feeling but being pampered by yourself is a BOSS feeling." This year I pampered myself in terms of style, time,money,food, meeting new souls,choice of my words, and every other damn thing.

So, this was my bit. When I started writing, I felt not more than 4-5 points. But Yayyy!! here I am, God has been gracious enough to bless me happiness to such big chunks that i have been able to jot a good 11 points that made me happy during 2014.

But Mr. God- The list of things which didn't work for me well is still in the drafts. You have to address them as well. :P

N days of Sadness.

Day N1

So here am I , inspired by 100 days of happiness, mine is N days of sadness. God.!!! I have been waiting for happiness since long. when when when when!!!

Its been so long that I have been giving interviews and still not able to get through. Am I not good enough? Dont I deserve a satisfying job? Dont I deserve to work in normal timimgs and not entertain those look from people when i tell them that i work in night shifts.? dont i deserve to add my work place on facebook and on linkedin? ( the promise I gave to myself was/is that I would add my work place on both sides as and when I get a good brand name to flaunt off).

Today again i went for an interview ..yes AGAIN. The same story happened.. I went , the interview location too far, asked my friend to drop, cleared round one, came round two, n alas I'm out ..FTW!! this was the third time in a row that I went for an interview and got chucked out in round 2.
I didn't clear the interview was one of the agony, the exertion, the time wastage, the off I took from office, the waste of money , the loss of faith,the de-motivation are the other ones, to name a few.

I don't know why my career is haywire, what is planned for me ..what's in store for me, if in store, where the damn store is.

I'm crying while im writing this post, feeling good for nothing. feeling so useless, so hopeless, so vulnerable, so so so dizzy.
Mummmmyyyy!!!! I wanted to tell you about this but then you would be feeling tensed more than I feel.
 But god where are you, hey bhaggu, I need you, need you , need you to answer my questions, need you to tell me why I'm so unlucky everywhere, why i cleared CA, what is the purpose of my life on this earth.
I want you to answer why this so called 'vehem" innate in us, the so called Indians, that if your left eye blinks unusually, something good is going to happen. it was blinking extraordinarily, making me hope against hope and building optimism in me that I am gonna get through. Why you could not chuck me when in round one, when I was not supposed to get selected. 

Na ladka(pasand ka) milta hai na naukri.!!! kya yahi life hai!!!Please kuch to signal do..

P.S- Everything becomes so hopeless, so negative when you are not feeling good. I switched on the radio to listen to some peppy music but alas ! yahan bhi kismat sath ni de rhi. As soon as I switched on it started playing the slow numbers. FTW!!!!

Being Jobless. . .

So…What we plan never happens..I don’t know what’s in store for me…or what is God thinking of me..Am I the one who does not deserve to get a good job..Have I committed some sins..or what..Oh God please, show some sign atleast..If that is the case, give me a chance to rectify things..At the back of my mind I know that I have not done something extraordinary to reach at the place where I have dreamt to be one day. But don’t I deserve to get a decent job.

I’m not comparing anyone with myself..Nor should I dare do that..I don’t know what they have been through, how much hard work they have done to reach where they are today. But this is also the fact that when everybody around you is earning, enjoying, spending extravagantly, have excuses (read genuine) that they don’t have time to text, call or whatever. I’m the only one who is sleeping till 10 in the morning, whole day sitting in my night wears waiting for the red beep of my phone..,(that shows someone texted you).But But But..in all this chaos , some one really finds time to call me daily, to ask me how are things, the latest updates on my job search part. All the details later.*winks*

Now coming to being jobless part. So when we start thinking that all is going well..right on track , then only god shows us..why should we never make plans..he comes into the scene and proves that he really is the one directing the whole show..ufff!!

So I switched to a job all in such haste...just to be back in the Indian industry only to know that some people in this world are just inhumane. So this person..the so called employer just used me , actually the useless degree which I hold to realize his own purpose. And the day the assignment got completed, report finalized, he asked me to leave. All this not even accompanied with some professional ethics. First of all he just texted me, no confrontation, Did not have the guts to even call me or for that matter attend my call. Secondly, no notice.. not even a week. I would have never thought of doing that if I ever reach to such a position..in my wildest of dreams.

So there I was rendered jobless, all broken from within, no clue what to do next, financial crisis was going to haunt me soon. I will have to tell everybody oh hi I’m jobless after working whole one year, yes im jobless. Those who are thinking why should I have to beat my own trumpet of being jobless, please if I’m going to sit at home, the neighbors, my so called extended Indian family ..Oh god how I wish I would not have born in India considering the emotional distress I was going to face because of the Indianness in our families.

Coming to practicality, here I’m struggling to fetch a decent job forgetting everything about the profile I ever wanted to work on, a multi national culture in the company which I ever dreamt of working with. My friends say they have been through the same in “their” times of unemployment when they were just out of the shell after qualifying, so they can totally empathize with me. But this would be the understatement of the year if I agree with them completely. No guys you won’t understand this and never will. You people struggled hard after qualifying but here I’m at the same place after working whole one year. My CV is completely spoiled with the time lag. The answer I and my parents have to give to everybody who sees me sitting at home is just beyond words. I’m not disregarding the support and sympathy they have given me and still are. The lending of their ear to the endless babbling about the situation I’m in, by myself. All this, cannot be disregarded at any any cost.

I want to have an encounter with God. I want some answers to the questions. I’m trying all my references; my father is doing the same ,going out of his way. If things were never going to work out, then why why on earth you make me meet the concerned persons, make me hope against the hope that I might get through this. Please don’t do this, it’s a request, it shatters me like anything. It becomes so difficult to gather the broken me again. I have been forwarding my CV to n no. of people. When will I see the time, when people will ask for my refrence, and forward me the CV.I hope I do encounter the other set of feel. I’m tired of going to offices every second day and answer to the question ,”tell me something about yourself” I’m tired of telling everyone how the interview went  or rather how bad I screwed it. When is this going to end. Oh please show some sign, make some way out please.

In the end as they say everything will be okay, I do hope that I might also get to say “whatever happened , happened for good”.

P.S- Reading Fifty Shades of Grey. And in the background the ultra illogical, baseless Punjabi song, “munda iphone varga” But still I’m enjoying it. I love the Punjabi music.

Rakhi Special

With Rakhi round the corner, I'm dedicating this post to my younger brother. I scold,scowl him big time ( well! I've the right), don't pay heed to what he is talking of, if I don't feel like, don't answer his questions if they don't interest me, keep setting limits on his playing hours, computer/internet hours( thats a different story he doesn't give two hoots :D), keep bugging him if I'm in a mood to but make it a point to thrash him if he ever does so.

But I love him to the core. I can't stand anyone pointing a finger on him. No matter how irresponsibly he behaves, no matter how much he hates me, no matter how much we fight, no matter everything in him irks me when it comes to going out with his friends,no matter he possesses only an iota of personal hygiene, no matter how much awaaragardi he does, I want to cuddle him up when he is fast asleep. I don't know why, but I find him way cuter when he's sleeping carelessly holding his chin with his right hand. I can't say these things in his face (otherwise the possibility is more that he starts taking me casually & won't fear my mien anymore hahah. yes I'm insecure this way)

Well the post is more about the silly episodes with him as the protagonist, which I've vowed to myself to tell his future children. Yes !! I'm going to torture n blackmail him!!! huahahahah *devil laugh*

1. Once upon a time, when the guy was 7/8 yrs, he was in disagreement with his mother-sister combo. So he  stopped talking to us & locked himself in another room. We both were aware of his so called tantrums, so didn't bother much. He was perplexed as to why no one was coming for some negotiation.:D :D. So he wanting to divert some attention to himself, wrote on a piece of paper n passed it from underneath the locked door.
He-" Main aap dono se naraaz hu!"

We- no response.

 He ( again after some time)- "agar kuch kehna hai to is paper k back side pe likh k bata do"

We- laughing our heads off..

(I still have those pieces of paper written by him in his sucking handwriting..;))


2. He is given 50 bucks for getting a haircut done. Such a miser he is, once he got the haircut done from some peepal k ped k niche baithe hue naayi se, in the pretext that the shop where he used to go, was closed. But the truth was he wanted to save that extra money. Annd Annnd that stupid naayi of peepal k ped wala cut his hair extra short n my dear brother didn't go to school the next 2 days. ;) ;)
Ever since he never tried to save money like this. hahah

3. 3-4 years back I guess, On the Diwali morning, I was sleeping n he, compulsively obsessed of getting up way early on a holiday, was roaming here n there in my room. I don't mind whether its Diwali or New Year, I have to have to wake up on my usual time like any other day off. He (again) wrote on a piece of paper," Happy Diwali didi" n called out my name loudly. I woke up frightened n he handed over me the paper n raced from the room. & here I was shouting n yelling at him.

To be contd. 

The Feel Called CA

yessssssss!! I cracked the CA exam 3 days back. Now I can proudly & officially add the prefix CA before my name. It feels TOTALLY AMAZINGLY AWESOME  to be called so, to be among those 29% students who were able to get through., to get that 'queen like' attention at home, to see mommy telling my younger sibling to strictly adhere to what I am saying, to update the 5 year long awaited status on facebook( no matter how I hate facebook, I HAVE TO update this quintessential achievement of life), to see those tints of red color aka n number of notifications on the status every time I logged into facebook, to see the sense of relief in parents eyes, to see the watery eyes of Mother India ( yes! these Indian mothers I tell you, my mom started crying even while standing on the road ).

Ok so now let me tell you how was the D-day. The result date got postponed by one day from the scheduled date. I didn't let my mom know about all this furore. When she came back from school ( she is a teacher ), I could actually see the tension on her face as if it was her result & here I was sitting coolly n calmly, ready to take the tension the next day. She hurriedly came up to me & asked me about the result, I simply said, "not yet declared". She kept asking me to check the site time & again. But I managed to change the topic somehow. The next day I had to attend an interview in Chandigarh & the result was scheduled to be declared latest by evening. 

I was kicked out in the GD round itself. (with 30-40 other candidates, that was the relieving part, SIGH!)

I could not digest the fact that I performed pathetic in the GD. I was shivering like anything, partly because I was in the very first group to be judged & partly because that was the first ever interview I was going to face & that too with the nervousness of result which was going to be declared.

So after the miserable performance I gave, I took the bus back to my hometown. During the journey I was laughing my heads off on my performance & was praying that atleast now the result( of CA) goes well.

while in the bus,around 2 p.m, I was surfing some CA page on facebook & suddenly I saw someone's comment that results had been declared. I opened the site n typed the roll number with trembling hands. Ahhh!! the phone screen showed the bold pink colored word "PASS". 

Ecstatic I was, not knowing how to vent off my emotions in a crowded bus,with nobody giving two hoots as to what I was going through. I did not inform the same to my parents just because I wanted to witness their expressions in person. Hardly 30-40 minutes were left to reach but it seemed to be an eternity. And with the pakka khoon of  CA running in my body, I neither had enough balance in my phone to survive the roaming charges nor free messages. 

I reached the bus stop, wishing everyone around to welcome me, escort me;) as if some IAS officer has come. :D I wanted people to ask me how did the result go, so that I could proudly let them know. I wanted every relative of mine to call me or my mum to inquire about my result.

Then I called up mum to pick me up. She reached, n I was determined to not to tell her until we reached home. But as soon as she came, I could not contain my excitement n gave her a vanilla smile.She somehow understood but wanted to listen it from me. I unveiled it n she started crying then & there.

To all those who don't know, CA course comprises of 3 levels which stretch to atleast 4-5 years. When I cleared the level 2 , I was happy like never before, but now when I have cracked up the last & final level, my  happiness could not even match the one i experienced earlier let alone it went beyond that. I don't know why.. may be because I was disheartened at the interview, or may be because the next level tensions of job & all took over or may be because almost everyone known to me cleared it n it seemed to me just like another exam not holding much relevance or may be because its unsatisfying human nature. I still could not experience the peak of euphoria I'd expected. I wish I could now land up in a good job & be able to feel what I've always wished to. 

What's Wrong With Me..?..?

It's been two months that I'm at home & doing NOTHING. I wake up, survive & go back to sleep. In between I-
1. Go and place myself on the couch with cell phone in my hand and simultaneously watching anything like ANY BLOODY THING on TV. I've been keeping track of all the SAAS BAHU soaps. I watch the fresh telecast, then again I watch the repeat telecast (whacko I am) but I've nothing to do all day.


2.I keep checking my mails ( of late the frequency has reached to 10 times a day)


3. I keep lurking Facebook ( for no good reason) which even made me write this full fledged post. A silent user I am. I keep stalking profiles, checking who commented where. With a tiff going on with my bestie,I make sure that i stalk her profile atleast two times a day to check if she's uploading photos with any other friend & enjoying without me :D, updating any status that points me by any chance. I know it's sheer folly. Once all is well between us, I'll make her read my blog & she 'd be all in splits.


4.I (try) read novels. As of now, the ones which I have kinda don't interest me ( & I'm lazy enough to get any new one). But I WILL read them just because I've them & to increase the count of books I've read. :P


5. I blog. yeah that's the only thing I enjoy doing these days. i keep looking for more better topics to write( and this is what I end up writing). I go blog hopping. I've started following (read regular and avid) some of the blogs and even going through the archives of few of them. Everytime I read some post, the bell rings in my  mind."I'll write on the topic on my blog some day" & I will. AMEN! This is such a wonderful platform to be at.


6................. Nah! I don't do anything else. I'm blank now.


P.S- People say you are in love when small little things remind you of the person. Yes I'm in love with my BFF. These things are her reminiscent-
The impending novels here with me are all hers,
I got a new statement necklace & i didn't have anyone to share the excitement of the shopping i did. Also no one to review it and tell me how it looks on me,
SALE season is on & I'm missing my shopping companion,
I miss the chugli sessions with her when I see the aunties of neighborhood doing the same,
the free SMS balance keeps haunting me as she was the one on whom my half of the SMS balance used to vanish.
I know this is something very weird :D :D n all you reading are laughing at me.
But everything is gonna be okay. I'm just waiting for the right time to happen.


What do you do to kill time...? may be I can get some ideas hahah!

Ramblings of a Facebook User

Note- The post is totally useless just like facebook is :P

Facebook has taken over our lives. It has become as necessary as oxygen to breathe. I can't find a single person not registered with Facebook, be it children aging 10 yrs (despite they are not allowed to register before 18, but to hell with! rules are meant to be broken & why not!) or the senior citizens.

Talking of networking in this age- without a doubt, Credits to Facebook.

Bringing people closer who hesitate to even a utter a word in person, but don't shy while chatting /commenting - Credits to Facebook.

Taking online shops to another level- Credits to Facebook.

But here I am limiting my ramblings( in a way critical opinion) as to how Facebook has evolved over time in terms of the applications it provides etc.

1.The "LIKE" Button

I see "LIKE"  option is made for those lazy bums who find any status/photo interesting but their indolence refuses to leave the mouse so as to reach the keyboard and take the trouble to type something & speak their minds. (Yeah, I do this most of the times :D).

But talking about the another category of people who play the role of charity to distribute free "likes" no matter what is posted, do exist.

And coming to the EPIC part, people liking their own respective posts. Its like giving themselves a Hi 5 in public( thats what I read on Facebook itself). Zuckerberg should seriously consider removing this option for our own respective posts like SERIOUSLY.
Personally I feel, popularity or should I say TRP of a status/post is now judged by "like count" from "comment count".

2. TIMELINE
The most useless option I've come across. Needless to say I'm still using that age old "wall". Timeline is created for photo freaks, just to give them yet another space to glue their photos & make the profile look more like an exhibition.
P.S- I'm not bringing the page owners who use timeline constructively for displaying their logo name or for like things.

3. CHECK-INS
Ah! the one I envy. Dude, what is the use of beating your own trumpet and forcibly telling people where are you, what are you doing, with whom are you. I feel as if Facebook has humbly assumed the responsibility of parents and take care of their whereabouts in their absence.
I've seen people checking-in & tagging their homes, not to forget "home sweet home". But some intelligent people have taken this to a notch higher & they are checking in and tagging some exotic/grand places while they are sitting at their homes, not to forget "home sweet home":D. For what? just to flash their status! hahah
I detest this even more when I'm trying to study for exams and then I see somebody checking in ( remember I'm a religious Facebook user:D) First day first show, watching XYZ movie at ABC cinemas. Huhh I so hate Facebook's technical team for creating such an option.

4. SUBSCRIBE OPTION
People subscribing for updates of renowned personalities- OK, good enough but what about those subscribing for just another Facebook user, particularly talking of the one subscribing for updates from a girl, who has rejected his friend request. What is he expecting? she'll update where is she heading to & inviting you to meet her. Grow up!

Well the views are totally personal. May be some people find these options useful, something usefully useful.

Nerdy Neighbour

No, I'm not ashamed of calling my neighbour aunty a nerd, a big time nerd. She is the one whose mien will betray you. Who says "first impression is the last impression" huhh When I met her for the first time, she seemed to be all sophisticated types, with that height of 5'6( i feel ladies with such height make their presence felt without much effort), attractive face. But she proves me wrong everytime i meet her in the evening. and I keep cursing myself for being taken over by the first impression.
She is the kind of person who will never let you speak while in a conversation. I have majorly noticed myself mumbling YES/NO or for that matter giving a forceful smile everytime I have a chat with her. I even remember my mum being in a turmoil as to with whom she'll go on evening walk with. How my dear mum wants me to be fit & able to convince me to go on a walk. But smart me I always put a condition , if neighbour aunty is also going, no need to ask me. Period!
Now let me brief you what topics she chooses, that never let anyone else to open his mouth-
She is the mother of two boys & a newly wedded girl. She is always engrossed with her so called ANMOL RATAN

Son 1- Anxious about her son who is going to be married real soon.How her DIL will be like? Will she make her son dance to her tunes? will her son forget his mom after the marriage?Will she be able to adjust? n blah blah

Son 2- Utterly confused for his career & so is he. You won't believe she made him opt for science in class 11, but something untoward written in his horoscope if he takes science, she forced him to go for commerce right after one month.By the end of the session, when he even developed a liking for the subject, her SIL ( newly wedded)convinced her as to no career prospects in commerce & the poor chap was made to study science afresh with a loss of whole one year.

Daughter-Oh god! She is the Miss Universe, Earth, Asia Pacific, Milky Way, etc etc (if anything else beyond it exists, then pls add it on your own) for her. Nobody on this earth galaxy can match her standards. She is the girl next door, possessing more than required traits for an Indian Bahu, even more than the Akshara of  Yeh rishta Kya Kehlata Hai..:P. Above that she keeps praising her daughter in front of her SIL n even apprising him of the fact how lucky he is to get her Miss Universe as a life partner.

Apart from the gist of nerdiness above, here is another epic episode, nerdy enough to trigger me to make my neighbour aunty a reason for my writing next post..:D

The other day she came running to our house, all gripped with tension. She asked for the charger( nokia pin point hahah). Her mobile could not survive her eternal gossips n she forgot to charge n above that could not find her charger in her home now. She made me wake up from my early morning sleep ( 9.00 a.m is my early morning) to give her my charger. But Alas! I use a Samsung phone. My mum asked, "What's the matter? Is everything all right?" (meanwhile I thought of offering my phone)& then she unveiled the reason of her going panicky. she had to had to phone her daughter as she was back from a visit to her in laws house, the last night & she was to update her mom with the uncensored and instant "report" i.e the what happened there? What she did? How hr MIL behaved with her?
I was having that I-wanna-bang-my-head-in-the-wall expression plastered on my face. I even hid my phone. ;);)
P.S- apart from all this, she is good at heart. I don't care what's going in her personal life. She is the one who always stood to help us.

Tumhi Ho Bandhu, Sakha Tumhi Ho..!

M was admitted to one of the good colleges of the city but had to change it later for some reasons. At times she wondered why she was ever admitted to such a college. What was the plan of god behind this?
N was the answer of her epiphany. The almighty had in store for both of them to meet each other.
They became best of the friends, doting on each other. Continuously  in touch with each other & by continuous, I mean every day (obviously through whats app) ( No they were not lesbians :P)


Opposites attract each other, but for them, their like idiosyncrasies attracted them to each other, their like mindedness helped them to empathize.
They used to talk about anything & everything (remember both of them were idiosyncratic), be it their critical opinion on any TV show (both of them discussed by texting right when it was being aired), any new fashion trend( I tell you these girls), future plan of action, boy friends, would be hubby, their dreams & what not.

N (after watching ghajini)-"I really liked that clay thing which they use while their house warming ceremony for preserving their foot prints for life.


M- "han! i liked them too. Ok I'll gift that on your D-day."


N-"Oh woww!! "


Both of them could read each other's minds or were they actually given like nervous systems or what!
Each of them knew when the other will say " kuch bhi" on something foolish/pathetic happening.
Best companions while shopping.
Liked same qualities/traits in others & for that matter pointed same mistakes too (no matter how minute it is :P)
They didn't possess the very basic & inherent girly trait "jealousy", at least for each other.
Both of them grumbled about their respective lives, but yet assumed the role of agony aunts for each other. They were the epitome of camaraderie.
 But Alas! one day something happened which led them changed their ways because of some third soul in the scene. N tried to explain things but M was in no mood to entertain any explanations.
The next day M was flummoxed as to "is this really happening?" She didn't want to loose N. She was expecting a call from N, But in vain.
M wanted to broach the subject again somehow. So she texted N in pretext of returning some stuff.. But the plan went awry. M tried calling but could not reach her & N pacified her saying she would call some other time.
M waited few days, n then some more days expecting a call after the exams, but
futile.M was miffed but didn't want to loose her friend. She knew things could work if given a chance.

One day M opened her mail started typing "they say That too shall pass. Yes its very much apt & we both could lead our lives normally, forgetting each other.Definitely this shall take time but sooner or later this will happen. I don't want any third soul to be the reason for the tiff. Let us keep our petty ego issues aside for a second & give a hoot to our 5 tear old bond"

But M had not enough nerves to click the "send" option & all she could do was saving the message to her draft folder.