2014- Looking Back

So as even Facebook is making efforts to develop an app to see our year 2014 in retrospect. So I decided to put in my manual efforts and write a post weighing what worked good for me and what did not. One has to jot down and acknowledge the things for which one was happy. At least then I would be able to say, yes 2014 brought with it, this pocket full of happiness for me.

Happiness- What would make me remember 2014.

Haters, i am giving you all a reason to live. Thank me!

1. Convocation for CA- I was officially given the right to put a prefix before my name. Yes it indeed was THE moment of ecstasy for me. Though after the event, I was back to normal cribbing and cringing over my life.

2. Got rid of night shifts- Yes I was working in night shifts and I was literally cursing myself for having doing that shit. I got rid of those shifts and landed in a decent time slot.

3. Met some wonderful people - Though the night shift was a thing to be cursed for, but it was the place, where I met some friends for life, the friends who actually advised me for my good, who cared genuinely, with whom I laughed my heart out.

4. Exploring new restaurants- This was in my bucket list since long. One of my friend and me just wanted to pamper, splurge and hog in style every 15 days or so. And yes we started, and following it religiously till date. Putting check ins for every place we visited to memorize the same.

5. Road Trip to Jaipur- yes!! may be it was only Jaipur, just 300 kms away, may be my life is just uneventful,but we actually mustered the courage to start the journey at 11 in the night, no plan how to travel, standing on the bus stand waiting for Volvo, not getting one and rummaging our phone contacts to get a car to go. hahah! yes we did it. Amen to more such trips.

6.Chucking some unwanted people out- I was courageous enough to let go some people, on whose priority list I never existed in the first place. I was bold enough to confront them with the truth and chuck them out of my life.

7. Learnt to be more sarcastic- I had taken a step forward towards becoming more sarcastic. * a wide grin* Amen! this is a never ending process. 2015-let me keep working on it.

8. Blogging/Writing- I had been not very regular towards writing. But I made it a point to write and document at least the important episodes of my life.

9. All time companion - I got this all time companion for the loner me- the laptop, my personal laptop. I had one already but office laptop. That personal touch never exuded. I can do whatever I want, open which ever site I like (stop running your brains).

10. Clarity of goals- I suppose I am way more clearer for my goals in 2014 than I was in 2013. This is how I define taking baby steps towards wisdom.

11. Pampering Myself- I read it somewhere "being pampered by your man is a beautiful feeling but being pampered by yourself is a BOSS feeling." This year I pampered myself in terms of style, time,money,food, meeting new souls,choice of my words, and every other damn thing.

So, this was my bit. When I started writing, I felt not more than 4-5 points. But Yayyy!! here I am, God has been gracious enough to bless me happiness to such big chunks that i have been able to jot a good 11 points that made me happy during 2014.

But Mr. God- The list of things which didn't work for me well is still in the drafts. You have to address them as well. :P

N days of Sadness.

Day N1

So here am I , inspired by 100 days of happiness, mine is N days of sadness. God.!!! I have been waiting for happiness since long. when when when when!!!

Its been so long that I have been giving interviews and still not able to get through. Am I not good enough? Dont I deserve a satisfying job? Dont I deserve to work in normal timimgs and not entertain those look from people when i tell them that i work in night shifts.? dont i deserve to add my work place on facebook and on linkedin? ( the promise I gave to myself was/is that I would add my work place on both sides as and when I get a good brand name to flaunt off).

Today again i went for an interview ..yes AGAIN. The same story happened.. I went , the interview location too far, asked my friend to drop, cleared round one, came round two, n alas I'm out ..FTW!! this was the third time in a row that I went for an interview and got chucked out in round 2.
I didn't clear the interview was one of the agony, the exertion, the time wastage, the off I took from office, the waste of money , the loss of faith,the de-motivation are the other ones, to name a few.

I don't know why my career is haywire, what is planned for me ..what's in store for me, if in store, where the damn store is.

I'm crying while im writing this post, feeling good for nothing. feeling so useless, so hopeless, so vulnerable, so so so dizzy.
Mummmmyyyy!!!! I wanted to tell you about this but then you would be feeling tensed more than I feel.
 But god where are you, hey bhaggu, I need you, need you , need you to answer my questions, need you to tell me why I'm so unlucky everywhere, why i cleared CA, what is the purpose of my life on this earth.
I want you to answer why this so called 'vehem" innate in us, the so called Indians, that if your left eye blinks unusually, something good is going to happen. it was blinking extraordinarily, making me hope against hope and building optimism in me that I am gonna get through. Why you could not chuck me when in round one, when I was not supposed to get selected. 

Na ladka(pasand ka) milta hai na naukri.!!! kya yahi life hai!!!Please kuch to signal do..

P.S- Everything becomes so hopeless, so negative when you are not feeling good. I switched on the radio to listen to some peppy music but alas ! yahan bhi kismat sath ni de rhi. As soon as I switched on it started playing the slow numbers. FTW!!!!

Being Jobless. . .

So…What we plan never happens..I don’t know what’s in store for me…or what is God thinking of me..Am I the one who does not deserve to get a good job..Have I committed some sins..or what..Oh God please, show some sign atleast..If that is the case, give me a chance to rectify things..At the back of my mind I know that I have not done something extraordinary to reach at the place where I have dreamt to be one day. But don’t I deserve to get a decent job.

I’m not comparing anyone with myself..Nor should I dare do that..I don’t know what they have been through, how much hard work they have done to reach where they are today. But this is also the fact that when everybody around you is earning, enjoying, spending extravagantly, have excuses (read genuine) that they don’t have time to text, call or whatever. I’m the only one who is sleeping till 10 in the morning, whole day sitting in my night wears waiting for the red beep of my phone..,(that shows someone texted you).But But But..in all this chaos , some one really finds time to call me daily, to ask me how are things, the latest updates on my job search part. All the details later.*winks*

Now coming to being jobless part. So when we start thinking that all is going well..right on track , then only god shows us..why should we never make plans..he comes into the scene and proves that he really is the one directing the whole show..ufff!!

So I switched to a job all in such haste...just to be back in the Indian industry only to know that some people in this world are just inhumane. So this person..the so called employer just used me , actually the useless degree which I hold to realize his own purpose. And the day the assignment got completed, report finalized, he asked me to leave. All this not even accompanied with some professional ethics. First of all he just texted me, no confrontation, Did not have the guts to even call me or for that matter attend my call. Secondly, no notice.. not even a week. I would have never thought of doing that if I ever reach to such a position..in my wildest of dreams.

So there I was rendered jobless, all broken from within, no clue what to do next, financial crisis was going to haunt me soon. I will have to tell everybody oh hi I’m jobless after working whole one year, yes im jobless. Those who are thinking why should I have to beat my own trumpet of being jobless, please if I’m going to sit at home, the neighbors, my so called extended Indian family ..Oh god how I wish I would not have born in India considering the emotional distress I was going to face because of the Indianness in our families.

Coming to practicality, here I’m struggling to fetch a decent job forgetting everything about the profile I ever wanted to work on, a multi national culture in the company which I ever dreamt of working with. My friends say they have been through the same in “their” times of unemployment when they were just out of the shell after qualifying, so they can totally empathize with me. But this would be the understatement of the year if I agree with them completely. No guys you won’t understand this and never will. You people struggled hard after qualifying but here I’m at the same place after working whole one year. My CV is completely spoiled with the time lag. The answer I and my parents have to give to everybody who sees me sitting at home is just beyond words. I’m not disregarding the support and sympathy they have given me and still are. The lending of their ear to the endless babbling about the situation I’m in, by myself. All this, cannot be disregarded at any any cost.

I want to have an encounter with God. I want some answers to the questions. I’m trying all my references; my father is doing the same ,going out of his way. If things were never going to work out, then why why on earth you make me meet the concerned persons, make me hope against the hope that I might get through this. Please don’t do this, it’s a request, it shatters me like anything. It becomes so difficult to gather the broken me again. I have been forwarding my CV to n no. of people. When will I see the time, when people will ask for my refrence, and forward me the CV.I hope I do encounter the other set of feel. I’m tired of going to offices every second day and answer to the question ,”tell me something about yourself” I’m tired of telling everyone how the interview went  or rather how bad I screwed it. When is this going to end. Oh please show some sign, make some way out please.

In the end as they say everything will be okay, I do hope that I might also get to say “whatever happened , happened for good”.

P.S- Reading Fifty Shades of Grey. And in the background the ultra illogical, baseless Punjabi song, “munda iphone varga” But still I’m enjoying it. I love the Punjabi music.

Rakhi Special

With Rakhi round the corner, I'm dedicating this post to my younger brother. I scold,scowl him big time ( well! I've the right), don't pay heed to what he is talking of, if I don't feel like, don't answer his questions if they don't interest me, keep setting limits on his playing hours, computer/internet hours( thats a different story he doesn't give two hoots :D), keep bugging him if I'm in a mood to but make it a point to thrash him if he ever does so.

But I love him to the core. I can't stand anyone pointing a finger on him. No matter how irresponsibly he behaves, no matter how much he hates me, no matter how much we fight, no matter everything in him irks me when it comes to going out with his friends,no matter he possesses only an iota of personal hygiene, no matter how much awaaragardi he does, I want to cuddle him up when he is fast asleep. I don't know why, but I find him way cuter when he's sleeping carelessly holding his chin with his right hand. I can't say these things in his face (otherwise the possibility is more that he starts taking me casually & won't fear my mien anymore hahah. yes I'm insecure this way)

Well the post is more about the silly episodes with him as the protagonist, which I've vowed to myself to tell his future children. Yes !! I'm going to torture n blackmail him!!! huahahahah *devil laugh*

1. Once upon a time, when the guy was 7/8 yrs, he was in disagreement with his mother-sister combo. So he  stopped talking to us & locked himself in another room. We both were aware of his so called tantrums, so didn't bother much. He was perplexed as to why no one was coming for some negotiation.:D :D. So he wanting to divert some attention to himself, wrote on a piece of paper n passed it from underneath the locked door.
He-" Main aap dono se naraaz hu!"

We- no response.

 He ( again after some time)- "agar kuch kehna hai to is paper k back side pe likh k bata do"

We- laughing our heads off..

(I still have those pieces of paper written by him in his sucking handwriting..;))


2. He is given 50 bucks for getting a haircut done. Such a miser he is, once he got the haircut done from some peepal k ped k niche baithe hue naayi se, in the pretext that the shop where he used to go, was closed. But the truth was he wanted to save that extra money. Annd Annnd that stupid naayi of peepal k ped wala cut his hair extra short n my dear brother didn't go to school the next 2 days. ;) ;)
Ever since he never tried to save money like this. hahah

3. 3-4 years back I guess, On the Diwali morning, I was sleeping n he, compulsively obsessed of getting up way early on a holiday, was roaming here n there in my room. I don't mind whether its Diwali or New Year, I have to have to wake up on my usual time like any other day off. He (again) wrote on a piece of paper," Happy Diwali didi" n called out my name loudly. I woke up frightened n he handed over me the paper n raced from the room. & here I was shouting n yelling at him.

To be contd. 

The Feel Called CA

yessssssss!! I cracked the CA exam 3 days back. Now I can proudly & officially add the prefix CA before my name. It feels TOTALLY AMAZINGLY AWESOME  to be called so, to be among those 29% students who were able to get through., to get that 'queen like' attention at home, to see mommy telling my younger sibling to strictly adhere to what I am saying, to update the 5 year long awaited status on facebook( no matter how I hate facebook, I HAVE TO update this quintessential achievement of life), to see those tints of red color aka n number of notifications on the status every time I logged into facebook, to see the sense of relief in parents eyes, to see the watery eyes of Mother India ( yes! these Indian mothers I tell you, my mom started crying even while standing on the road ).

Ok so now let me tell you how was the D-day. The result date got postponed by one day from the scheduled date. I didn't let my mom know about all this furore. When she came back from school ( she is a teacher ), I could actually see the tension on her face as if it was her result & here I was sitting coolly n calmly, ready to take the tension the next day. She hurriedly came up to me & asked me about the result, I simply said, "not yet declared". She kept asking me to check the site time & again. But I managed to change the topic somehow. The next day I had to attend an interview in Chandigarh & the result was scheduled to be declared latest by evening. 

I was kicked out in the GD round itself. (with 30-40 other candidates, that was the relieving part, SIGH!)

I could not digest the fact that I performed pathetic in the GD. I was shivering like anything, partly because I was in the very first group to be judged & partly because that was the first ever interview I was going to face & that too with the nervousness of result which was going to be declared.

So after the miserable performance I gave, I took the bus back to my hometown. During the journey I was laughing my heads off on my performance & was praying that atleast now the result( of CA) goes well.

while in the bus,around 2 p.m, I was surfing some CA page on facebook & suddenly I saw someone's comment that results had been declared. I opened the site n typed the roll number with trembling hands. Ahhh!! the phone screen showed the bold pink colored word "PASS". 

Ecstatic I was, not knowing how to vent off my emotions in a crowded bus,with nobody giving two hoots as to what I was going through. I did not inform the same to my parents just because I wanted to witness their expressions in person. Hardly 30-40 minutes were left to reach but it seemed to be an eternity. And with the pakka khoon of  CA running in my body, I neither had enough balance in my phone to survive the roaming charges nor free messages. 

I reached the bus stop, wishing everyone around to welcome me, escort me;) as if some IAS officer has come. :D I wanted people to ask me how did the result go, so that I could proudly let them know. I wanted every relative of mine to call me or my mum to inquire about my result.

Then I called up mum to pick me up. She reached, n I was determined to not to tell her until we reached home. But as soon as she came, I could not contain my excitement n gave her a vanilla smile.She somehow understood but wanted to listen it from me. I unveiled it n she started crying then & there.

To all those who don't know, CA course comprises of 3 levels which stretch to atleast 4-5 years. When I cleared the level 2 , I was happy like never before, but now when I have cracked up the last & final level, my  happiness could not even match the one i experienced earlier let alone it went beyond that. I don't know why.. may be because I was disheartened at the interview, or may be because the next level tensions of job & all took over or may be because almost everyone known to me cleared it n it seemed to me just like another exam not holding much relevance or may be because its unsatisfying human nature. I still could not experience the peak of euphoria I'd expected. I wish I could now land up in a good job & be able to feel what I've always wished to. 

What's Wrong With Me..?..?

It's been two months that I'm at home & doing NOTHING. I wake up, survive & go back to sleep. In between I-
1. Go and place myself on the couch with cell phone in my hand and simultaneously watching anything like ANY BLOODY THING on TV. I've been keeping track of all the SAAS BAHU soaps. I watch the fresh telecast, then again I watch the repeat telecast (whacko I am) but I've nothing to do all day.


2.I keep checking my mails ( of late the frequency has reached to 10 times a day)


3. I keep lurking Facebook ( for no good reason) which even made me write this full fledged post. A silent user I am. I keep stalking profiles, checking who commented where. With a tiff going on with my bestie,I make sure that i stalk her profile atleast two times a day to check if she's uploading photos with any other friend & enjoying without me :D, updating any status that points me by any chance. I know it's sheer folly. Once all is well between us, I'll make her read my blog & she 'd be all in splits.


4.I (try) read novels. As of now, the ones which I have kinda don't interest me ( & I'm lazy enough to get any new one). But I WILL read them just because I've them & to increase the count of books I've read. :P


5. I blog. yeah that's the only thing I enjoy doing these days. i keep looking for more better topics to write( and this is what I end up writing). I go blog hopping. I've started following (read regular and avid) some of the blogs and even going through the archives of few of them. Everytime I read some post, the bell rings in my  mind."I'll write on the topic on my blog some day" & I will. AMEN! This is such a wonderful platform to be at.


6................. Nah! I don't do anything else. I'm blank now.


P.S- People say you are in love when small little things remind you of the person. Yes I'm in love with my BFF. These things are her reminiscent-
The impending novels here with me are all hers,
I got a new statement necklace & i didn't have anyone to share the excitement of the shopping i did. Also no one to review it and tell me how it looks on me,
SALE season is on & I'm missing my shopping companion,
I miss the chugli sessions with her when I see the aunties of neighborhood doing the same,
the free SMS balance keeps haunting me as she was the one on whom my half of the SMS balance used to vanish.
I know this is something very weird :D :D n all you reading are laughing at me.
But everything is gonna be okay. I'm just waiting for the right time to happen.


What do you do to kill time...? may be I can get some ideas hahah!

Ramblings of a Facebook User

Note- The post is totally useless just like facebook is :P

Facebook has taken over our lives. It has become as necessary as oxygen to breathe. I can't find a single person not registered with Facebook, be it children aging 10 yrs (despite they are not allowed to register before 18, but to hell with! rules are meant to be broken & why not!) or the senior citizens.

Talking of networking in this age- without a doubt, Credits to Facebook.

Bringing people closer who hesitate to even a utter a word in person, but don't shy while chatting /commenting - Credits to Facebook.

Taking online shops to another level- Credits to Facebook.

But here I am limiting my ramblings( in a way critical opinion) as to how Facebook has evolved over time in terms of the applications it provides etc.

1.The "LIKE" Button

I see "LIKE"  option is made for those lazy bums who find any status/photo interesting but their indolence refuses to leave the mouse so as to reach the keyboard and take the trouble to type something & speak their minds. (Yeah, I do this most of the times :D).

But talking about the another category of people who play the role of charity to distribute free "likes" no matter what is posted, do exist.

And coming to the EPIC part, people liking their own respective posts. Its like giving themselves a Hi 5 in public( thats what I read on Facebook itself). Zuckerberg should seriously consider removing this option for our own respective posts like SERIOUSLY.
Personally I feel, popularity or should I say TRP of a status/post is now judged by "like count" from "comment count".

2. TIMELINE
The most useless option I've come across. Needless to say I'm still using that age old "wall". Timeline is created for photo freaks, just to give them yet another space to glue their photos & make the profile look more like an exhibition.
P.S- I'm not bringing the page owners who use timeline constructively for displaying their logo name or for like things.

3. CHECK-INS
Ah! the one I envy. Dude, what is the use of beating your own trumpet and forcibly telling people where are you, what are you doing, with whom are you. I feel as if Facebook has humbly assumed the responsibility of parents and take care of their whereabouts in their absence.
I've seen people checking-in & tagging their homes, not to forget "home sweet home". But some intelligent people have taken this to a notch higher & they are checking in and tagging some exotic/grand places while they are sitting at their homes, not to forget "home sweet home":D. For what? just to flash their status! hahah
I detest this even more when I'm trying to study for exams and then I see somebody checking in ( remember I'm a religious Facebook user:D) First day first show, watching XYZ movie at ABC cinemas. Huhh I so hate Facebook's technical team for creating such an option.

4. SUBSCRIBE OPTION
People subscribing for updates of renowned personalities- OK, good enough but what about those subscribing for just another Facebook user, particularly talking of the one subscribing for updates from a girl, who has rejected his friend request. What is he expecting? she'll update where is she heading to & inviting you to meet her. Grow up!

Well the views are totally personal. May be some people find these options useful, something usefully useful.